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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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	2012.01.22 13.19 Kristen Stewart doesn't need to smile for you. Am I really the only one that doesn't give a fuck that Kristen Stewart isn't much of a smiler. I mean, the shape of my own mouth is downturned, so when I'm minding my own business, whether it's reading, or eating, or what have you, I have someone ask me "what is the matter?" Or, worse, "Smile!" Other feminists have put it better to why it is a pain in the ass to ask a woman to smile for you, especially when you're a stranger! What I will say is this: If Kristen Stewart were a boy, and if she were as attractive as boy as she is as a girl, people would be less "Oh God! She's so awkward and needs to smile! Ugh, her attitude is so terrible!" to "Oh God! He's so hot and serious! But quirky! And I want to be on one of the several Tumblrs dedicated to his smexyness!"* *Note: I'm not making fun of anyone that has or follows Tumblrs dedicated to hot dudes, especially considering since I am one of those people that follow Tumblrs not only like that, but also Tumblrs dedicated to slash pairings. I'm just making the point that there is a double standard where a woman is called a stuck-up bitch for the same thing that a man does, only the latter gets a devoted fan base instead of hate.



	2012.01.15 22.16 Good news and bad news, people. The good news is that I finally got my haircut and I love it! The bad news is well, it's affecting me rather than you guys but, good Gaga, I am pissed. Little Sister is attending the same college as I am and because she has no driver's license, I take her with me. And my college is fifteen minutes away from the house so while it's not too bad, I dislike going back and forth between school and home and it's starting to have me search for an apartment close by. My spring semester is starting this Tuesday and I registered for my classes weeks ago. Little Sister registered at the last minute. I kept reminding that I took afternoon courses and that she needs to model after my schedule so it'll be less of hassle to drop her off and pick her up and then I have me go to class and leave for home. So, what does she do? Little sister doesn't listen to me. She fucking takes classes 7 AM. My classes start at around 4 PM. So, if I want to avoid paying more money for gas, I have to wait at school for several hours til my own classes and even then I still have to make more than two trips home because of her. I love Little Sister but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want to fucking kill her right now. She can be so selfishly impulsive and I'm this close to demanding that she go to class carpooling with her friends.



	2012.01.15 04.46 My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic--Episode 37 I have three thoughts, no, four, wait, five thoughts on this episode: The Cakes are are a cute couple. I mean, I’ve mentioned a dozen times before how much of a thing I have for a couple to have this size disparity going between them. Rarity’s way of saying no to the Cakes about babysitting their twins was amusing. I can see her not interested in that, fashion and babies don’t always mix so well. I’d also like to think that maybe that while she seems to like children, with possibly the exception of her sister, she doesn’t have much of a maternal side. Again, this is me fooling around with my own head canon. There’s never enough women in the media making it clear they’re disinterested in being mothers and not being made wrong about it. I know, I know, she’s an animated pony but it’s a fun thought. I won’t be upset if somehow my head canon is proven wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. It’s really gratifying to see them have Pinkie Pie have more sides to her personality, including the not-so-flattering ones. As awesome as she’s been, I’ve been worried they’d leave her one-dimensional. I love how much they show Twilight being socially inept. I wonder if they would do a whole episode about it someday, because when she was being unintentionally condescending to an insulted Pinkie Pie, even I got offended. Okay, throughout the whole episode, I was actually holding my breath and hoping Pinkie Pie would not have a psychotic breakdown a la Party of One. I wasn’t the only one, was I?



	2012.01.06 09.28 Nope. Won't stop about his cheekbones. It's been confirmed. Benedict Cumberbatch will be a villain for the Star Trek Reboot Sequel (And, no, I will not stop typing that out, it's too fun!) I'm pretty excited. He has the acting chops to pull it off of course, and if that fails, we will always have his pretty cheekbones. And, hey, it won't hurt to hope for his character to use a riding crop!



	2012.01.05 16.04 Don't mess with my ponies. Someone had tried to criticize My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic by accusing all its characters of being “ditzes.” What? We have a pony whose whole house is a library and where she is all for studying and logic (Twilight Sparkle.) We have a pony that is really girly and showy, but instead of going to annoying path of having her portrayed an idiot or the go-to-jerk of the show, they have her be the passionate, hardworking business lady (Rarity.) We have Jane Goodall and Wilma Rudolph in pony form (Fluttershy) and (Rainbow Dash.) We have another passionate business woman and hard worker and something of a tough broad (AppleJack.) And Pinkie Pie? Pinkie Pie? She’s fucking Gina Carano.



	2012.01.05 15.58 So Benedict Cumberbatch is going to appear in the Star Trek Reboot Sequel. They haven't specified to what role he will have, but let's hope he'll get to play an alien. I know I'm not the only one that raves about his improbable cheekbones. ---- Also, this is my cynicism taking over my brain, but does anyone else sometimes think that once scientists discover how to make a robot fuck like a human, technological progression will be no more? It's just me? Okay. ---- Also, I'm trying to write a list of 100 books to read for 2012 and I have three slots open still. Any recommendations from any of you? If it helps, I like mysteries, science fiction, horror, fantasy, and if they include well-rounded, interesting female characters then that's even better!



	2012.01.01 10.35 "Resolutions" for 2012. First let's say goodbye to 2011 the AFY way. Now that that's done, let us move on to how I'll be facing 2012: 1. Clean up my email accounts. 2. Clean my bedroom as well as Feng Shui the fuck out of it. 3. Clean out wallets, purses, handbags. 4. Hack off hair. Really, hack off a lot of it. 5. Have a little date with friends where we'll be drinking wine, maybe tea, and make goals for one another. Just because. 6. Make plans to get out of town for a weekend or week. Makes plans to where and when. So far, I've been doing good with cleaning out all the rubbish bins in the house. I'm thinking of heading to the gym today. Maybe buy some flowers. Change my bedding. Give myself a glittery manicure. I hope everyone else will have a great time facing 2012 their own way.



	2011.12.19 17.35 Scoff all you want but high heels make it all the more painful for you when I kick your ass. This is the trailer of this documentary I'm curious about: And this is the top rated comment for the trailer of this documentary on YouTube: "This is when you know the world is ending." Well, fuck you, person. There's thousands of different types of documentaries out there for your taste, leave your femmephobia out of mine! I know, I know, don't read the comments on YouTube, but, hey, venting here is better me than confronting that twit. If I did the latter, I'd only be met with constant stupidity from the commenter as s/he tries to defend him-or herself.



	2011.12.12 21.51 Going down under (the pap smear edition.) Yeah, I just went there. Last week, I had my first pap smear. Or at least I tried to. I take care of my health at my university's health center and go to a particular physician assistant (we'll call her, PK.) PK is a sweet lady, she's understanding, never judgmental. I'll be honest, I was apprehensive about going to the health center regularly like other people, because I'm fat and I've heard and read the terrible things fat people have had to go through with people in the medical profession. But PK isn't like that at all. Because I've been referred to her by my therapist, because she provides the birth control and anti-depressants I use, her main goal with me is to make sure I'm health mentally. And she's checked up on my body through blood work and deemed me healthy enough to only recommend a vitamin or two. Since I've turned 21, she mentioned that I could get a pap smear done at the health center, but since I'm not sexually active, she didn't want to pressure me. But I was curious. And so, I had it. She was trying to take a sample from me that I freaked, had my muscles tense, which caused me terrible pain. She paused while my muscles relaxed , had me breathe and wait til I said I was ready, and then she tried again. My muscles tensed (I am not used to things being inserted into me!) and I was in pain all over again. She finally decided to stop this whole pap smear thing and consoled me. She told me that she doesn't think I'm ready for this yet. She told me that this doesn't make me bad or wrong. She told me that she would never want something like a pap smear be traumatic for any woman. And that I wasn't a failure or anything like that for not having this pap smear go well. She told me she didn't want to pressure me at all and that maybe until I started being sexually active that she will do it. And she reassured me that it's totally okay whatever age I want to lose my virginity. That's the great thing about PK. She knows what I'm thinking and she always supports me. I'm lucky to have her.



	2011.11.29 19.21 Dentistry Came back from the dentist and I was given the news that I had to get a root canal. And get my wisdom teeth pulled out. And it's on that same day that, beforehand, I watched this: Well, fuck my life.



	2011.11.26 16.29 My concerns over Pixar's "Brave." I'll be honest, I'm honestly very hyped about this film. The graphics look so lush (and the hair, oh, the utter hair porn) and, yay, finally a female protagonist, and Scottish accents, and one of the directors had directed the Prince of Egypt. Again, I am hyped for this movie. But that doesn't mean I can't critique it, right? I'm a little tired of the handling of the trope, "Women don't just have to be restricted to just womanly duties." I've seen that trope have the parents settle into gendered roles---the happy man-child father that supports the kid, and then the mother, uptight in her womanly woman ways. I mean, why is the female parent apparently more flawed in her viewpoint of gender roles, and not the male one. I mean, I'm pretty sure, at some point, someone was raised by a sexist dad. I mean, c'mon. And then I'm worried about the femmephobia that might come forth, if the movie at some point depicted a feminine girl, or feminine things, as vain, silly, stupid. So, yeah, I'm hyped up about the film, but also a little apprehensive.



	2011.11.25 18.42 Little Sister ate all the maraschino cherries straight out the jar during Thanksgiving, but she still left the juice in there. I had this I-thought-was-clever-but-turned-out-to-b e-really-just-a-stupid-idea where I mixed the maraschino cherry juice and my Coke together. My reaction, after the first sip: Never again! Thankfully the other food I've prepared turned out splendidly and deliciously!



	2011.11.24 01.33 I ship characters from commercials now. Shame? What is this shame you speak of? I found a fanfic with Flo and Mayhem as the pairing. Mayhem from Allstate. Flo the Progressive Insurance Girl. And a heaping of UST. And it is glorious. Even better, it has Gecko rolling his eyes at the two of them. Glorious.



	2011.11.20 21.06 1.How are you? Fine. 2.Post a picture of yourself: 3.Do you ever wish you were someone else? For fun, shits and giggles? Yes. 4.What is your entire name? Alison something something. 5.How old are you? 21 6.Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: Libra. Yes. 7.What did you do on your last birthday? Eat and drink. 8.What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? Finish writing a story, oh, and getting a 4.0 GPA. 9.What is your hair color? Black. 10.Have you ever dyed your hair? One time, not all of it, but, like, 75% of it was burgundy sort of red. I want to do it again but this time either blue, purple, or a platinum blonde. 11.What is your eye color? Dark brown. 12.If you could change your eye color, would you? Confession time, I always wanted hetero-chromatic eyes—one blue, the other brown. Or, you know, purple, because purple eyes. 13.Do you wear contacts/glasses? Glasses. Making plans for contacts. 14.Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it: Most days are good days where I like what I see, every once in a while self-doubt and self-loathing come niggling the back of my mind. 15.Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? I’ve contemplated a breast lift sometime in the future. 16.Say 8 facts about your body: 1. Tall. 2. A bit pear-shaped I think. 3.Farmer’s tan I’m trying to get rid of. 4. Big feet. 5. Scar above left brow from slamming head into bookshelf when I was little. 6. Big forehead. 7. Size 18/20 8. Healthy. 17.Do you have any tattoos? Not at the moment. 18.Do you have any piercings? Not at the moment. 19.Left or right handed? Right. 20.Do you drink? Not often. 21.Do you smoke? NO. 22.Do you have any pets? No, but I am the pet of one cat. 23.Do you have any “rules” about food? If it’s good, I eat it. shrugs 24.What talent do you wish you’d been born with? Dancing, singing. 25.Are you a bad person? I try not to be. 26.Are you nice to everyone? I try to be. 27.Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Yes. 28.Share 2 habits: I daydream gay porn in between working mathematical problems. And, oh, biting my lips. 29.What is your ideal career? Published author. 30.Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Thankfully no. 31.Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah. 32.Say 10 facts about your room: Messy, big bookshelves, dust, undone bed, said undone bed shared with my cat, light carpet, big ceiling fan, textbooks I really must give away soon, clothes in need to be laundered, oh, and I don’t have pillow cases on any of my pillows. 33.Do you have any phobias? Heights and cockroaches. 34.Ever broken any bones? No. 35.Share something about yourself others might think is weird: I talk to myself and I like jump around the house pretending I’m kicking ass as some superhero. For fun. ~~And the good of the world.~~ 36.Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? Yes and I guess so. 37. quote you try to live by: “Life isn’t divided into genres. It’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky.”-Alan Moore 38.What’s your favorite band/singer? Lady Gaga. 39.Dogs or cats? Cats. 40.What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? San Francisco. Los Angeles. Tokyo. Venice. Scotland. France. England. 41.What are four things you can’t live without and why? Books, laptop, coffee, and chocolate. 42.Are you more like your mom or your dad? Both parents accuse me of being like the other when they’re annoyed, so I’m a mix I assume. 43.Do you have any siblings? One older sister, one younger sister. 44.Are you going out of town soon? Sadly, no. 45.Would you ever smile at a stranger? Yeah, 46.Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yes. 47.Who is your most loyal friend? Certain people. 48.Have you ever felt replaced? Yes. 49.Do you ever want to get married? Yes. 50.Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No. No. No. 51.Do you get jealous easily? Nah. 52.Do you like to dance? When I'm in the mood. 53.What was the first concert/show you attended? Haven’t been to a concert before. sadface 54.You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? A tree on my back. Gothy and elaborate. 55.You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money foryourself. Who would you give it to? Planned Parenthood. 56.What is the first curse word that comes to mind? Fuck 57.Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? Unfortunately, the former. 58.Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes, when I was bullied, and why I was bullied are still hard topics for me. 59.Do you hate anyone? Pity and repulsion are about as close to hate as I can feel. I ‘hate’ those who won’t acknowledge their flaws, their prejudices, and only worsen them for others. 60.Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yeah. 61.Do you care if people talk badly about you? Depends who the person is then. 62.One thing you’re excited for: The holidays. 63.Who is your celebrity crush? Chris Evans and Rose McGowan at the moment.



	2011.11.05 23.26 The only thing I got from the Sherlock Holmes 2 trailer.... ...was that when Robert Downey Jr. wears makeup, he looks a lot like Alan Cumming.



	2011.11.01 12.54 For a Halloween, I was to dress as Death from the Sandman comics. I kept getting mistaken for a rock star or the Crow. Even got told I looked like the Joker. sighs To celebrate, friends and I cooked a little feast for all to share, there was this delicious spinach-and-mushroom lasagna, we made this sort of Oreo fudge, it was supposed to look fancier but we made it look messy instead but we still loved it, because you know, Oreo fudge! My friend, Amelia had the great idea of making agua de Jamaica and it went phenomenally well. For those of you whom never had it, Google it, make it, taste it, and then fucking thank me for the glory it brings to your taste buds. --- I have forgotten to mention but last week, my university had the opportunity to have Maya Angelou as a guest-speaker and I was near-tears by the end of it. She really is one of my favorite writers.



	2011.10.27 05.01 Racism in My Favorite Holiday At Ohio University, there is a small student organization that is called STARS (Students Teaching About Racism in Society.) They've made a series of posters drawing attention to the problems Halloween has every year where someone of Caucasian descent costumes themselves as another race. I think they did an outstanding job. This brings up another subject I've been mulling over and I've finally come to a conclusion. I've mentioned before that I wanted to costume myself wearing makeup designed to look like Mexican sugar skulls used for Día de los Muertos. Well, I don't want to do that anymore. I'm Latina, guys, I'm Arabic, but I pass for white most of the time. And I don't want to be seen as a Caucasian appropriating a culture---especially because that will open a lot of wounds for me since, as a mixed race kid, it's painful to be told you do not belong in your own culture. And honestly, I'm really resenting the implication of people wearing sugar skull-styled makeup on Halloween make it seem that Día de los Muertos is just the Mexican version of Halloween. It's not. That sort of implies that the default to everything is euro-centric. Again, it's not.



	2011.10.27 00.01 I'm only humorless when the joke is not humorous. Exactly how do people find fat jokes so witty? They're all the same---it's about your eating habits, your physical activities, and, yawn how apparently you can't fit here or there. There's nothing new to it and people seem to forget that thin people can have unhealthy habits too. My friend, Michelle is a US size 4 and she and I went to a buffet together, where she ate already five plates and I barely finished with my first one. When she left to get more food, I noticed this glare I was receiving from a woman in booth on the wall opposite to me. I realized her scowl was directed to not only me, but me and the plates piled in front of me. She thought I was eating from all those plates and she thought she was entitled to turn her nose up at me for being a Bad Fattie. Of course, I glared back and said loudly, "May I help you?" Lady looked taken aback. She turned red and mumbled,"No." She minded her own business after that. Apparently, she had this idea that if she gave me a look of disgust, I'd be embarrassed, ashamed. I hate thinking the many times that actually worked on other people this lady felt like shaming. It's amazing how staring back shameless and with a few words said firmly, this bully sulked away. I really wish I knew this when I was a child. For the record, the guy, Will, in that image above? I unfriended him. Maybe I should have sent him this image to shut him up. But I was already contemplating unfriending him since I didn't think we close enough to be even just Facebook friends. I gotta tell you, it felt good when I no longer so his profile on my news feed.



	2011.10.09 16.44 Tumblr Troll I...think I got a troll on Tumblr. I mean he refers to himself as something like, "charming patriarch" and states that conservatives and feminists think they're better than everyone else. So, great, I have a mansplainer troll. Look, it's bad enough I have to see Bill Mahr on television but in my tumblr too? Whatever. blocks him Note: I'm going to assume the troll is a dude but you never know....



	2011.10.09 12.42 When Twitter and Facebook bump into LJ. I just wrote on my Twitter and Facebook, "Those that say 'bros before hoes' have obviously never touched a single mammary gland in their life..." I figured I should put it here also. Why? Because that phrase really pushes my button---specifically the one that focuses on misogyny and anti-sex work. I have a sudden urge to write a three-page analysis essay on it now. Meanwhile I actually have an essay on Manifest Destiny due for school tomorrow...



	2011.10.06 19.18 Occupy Wall Street! I had the privilige of participating in a 'Occupy Wall Street' protest in my own town. Here I am with a sign that I think says it all..... Now that I think about it, I kind of wished I had chosen the opportunity to wear a Wonder Woman outfit while I was at the event.



	2011.09.25 21.30 I make up to people by being a coward.... ...so, yeah, sorry, I haven't been updating in a while. Oh! Look! It's Kate Bush! ~~So I got to run now...~~



	2011.09.22 21.30 "Batwoman! Elegy!" Oooh, I am a dirty girl snickers.



	2011.09.19 17.28 Anti-choice rears its hideous head in lady films. Again. I like Sarah Jessica Parker. I like Christina Hendricks. I love seeing them on-screen. So you would think that I would actually pay a movie they both were currently in. No. No, I don't want to pay money for the movie they're both in right now. I refuse to pay money to watch I Don't Know How She Does It. I will never see that movie, even if I had a life-threatening disease that can only be cured by watching this movie. I will not see it. I already had two good reasons why I didn't want to see it. One, I'm sick to shit about movies dealing with a career woman having to decide between her children and her job and then never giving any commentary on the sexism behind that. Oh, no. They need to dedicate their whole lives to having children because motherhood is every woman's sole identity. The second is because it's based on a book written by Allison Pearson. Allison Pearson? She's an asshole. She tried to fatshame Princess Beatrice for wearing a two-piece swimsuit, because apparently people aren't allowed to wear whatever the hell they want. Pearson actually called her "Miss Piggy." So. yeah, Pearson is an asshole. I've finally found a third reason as to not why I want to watch the movie as well. They have SJP's character tell another female character to stay pregnant with a child she does not want at all.



	2011.09.14 21.01 There's a silent P in his first name. So (P)Rick Perry has finally done it. He's finally had a couple of the Planned Parenthood clinics shut down. I'm only grateful that the clinic in my town is safe. Unfortunately, it wasn't entirely untouched and a friend of mine, Celina who worked there just got laid off. Her husband just got laid off months before and they were depending on her salary when he was job-hunting. I don't know what's going to happen but I really hope they'll be fine. Fuck you, (P)Rick Perry. You hurt my friends, my entire gender, you hurt me for being what I am. If that's not bullying, I don't know what is.

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